Plummet
by Christine Lennoire
Summary: Hiei contemplates his deepest feelings he can't convey. Kurama somehow knows and Hiei comes to a conclusion and realization.


**Plummet**

By Christine Lennoire

_**Forbidden child...**_

_Sinful demon..._

_**Better if he never existed...**_

_DIE!_

_**KILL HIM**_

Hiei jumped from tree to tree, but no matter how much space he put between himself and the ground, there was no forgetting their cold, cruel words. When it bothered him this much, there was nothing he could do but try to forget. But how could he forget what haunted him and hurt him most of all. It was like free-falling through space, with nothing to do but fall forever. And all he could do to pass the time was dwell on the worst of all the memories within him. Sure, there were a lot of hellish times, but he never could forget the feeling of rejection since his unusual birth. It was true... he was never meant to exist...

When he started thinking like this, his mind got the worst of him. His soul was as black as the night sky. These were the only times he would seek companionship. Not for conversation, and not really even for soothing. It was really just to give him something to preoccupy himself with for the time. And the only person he would think of turning to at a time like this, was Kurama. The others would ask too many questions. Yusuke and Kuwabara blabbered too much. Hiei couldn't stand how they spoke on forever about nothing...

At least when Kurama spoke, he had something of some significance to say...

_**Forbidden child...**_

How long had he been called that? It was the one name he despised more than anything. They called him that and treated him as if he was diseased or something. But he wasn't any different from any of the other demons. So why did they torment him with such a powerful and dreadful name? Because he was never meant to exist. For much of this, he blamed his parents. They just HAD to fall in love and consummate it. If it hadn't been for that... well... he wouldn't have been born. Hence Hiei's bitterness towards the concept of love...

What's so great about having a soul mate anyway? There was no real answer. Hiei didn't even really need friends, so why would he ever find the need for a mate? Most just used them for conversation or consolation, neither of which he needed. And if he did, he would never ask for it. Sometimes, it was just... given to him. Usually from the ever-loving, ever-caring Kurama. That was another one of those things he hated...

_Pity_

Yet, somehow it didn't seem like pity. That's another one of the reasons he always went to see Kurama. When it was Kurama, somehow it didn't feel so degrading to be less than perfect. Kurama always admitted his mistakes from before, as a demon. Though he couldn't easily forgive himself, he didn't hide it or mask it. And he didn't ask anything of anyone. Hiei just wished that Kurama would stop being so much so that he got walked all over.

But if he didn't, somehow, it wouldn't be Kurama...

Sitting on the edge of Kurama's windowsill he waited. Hiei was being unusually patient. It wasn't ease, but something like comfort – like a runaway that finally comes home. Kurama's house felt warm to him, and he knew the fox could sense him, and would soon open the window up for him. Hiei stopped by often enough that there was no way Kurama would be surprised. But sometimes Hiei wondered if Kurama could tell why he was there. Kurama was so wise, but could he read Hiei that well? Hiei couldn't be sure.

Of course, Kurama sensed Hiei's energy and quickly came to open the window. "Hello Hiei. Come in." he said politely, stepping back, away from the window to allow Hiei to enter. Hiei quickly jumped inside and Kurama closed the window again. "It's pretty windy outside... a storm is probably brewing." Kurama was used to the silence of his friend, and spoke more to himself than Hiei, though Hiei nodded briefly.

_**Home**_

Hiei wanted to stay here. It wasn't like his life in demon world or running free. There was someone who cared... or at least he pretended to. And if Kurama was pretending, then he was a great actor. However, no one ever truly cared for Hiei before, and he wasn't sure.

But all the feelings... all the bad memories, nightmares, and thoughts of loneliness vanished. Easily, Kurama wiped it all away. He didn't say anything special, or announce it out loud, but with a few simple words, he could derail Hiei's insecurity and make him feel better. Hiei always secretly wanted to tell him that, but of course, he wouldn't. Still, he felt happy to know it.

_What is this feeling?_

It's like free-falling, but Hiei liked it.

"Kurama."

The red-headed boy looked up and smiled. "Yes, Hiei? What is it?" His face just seemed to light up with kindness.

"Hn." Was all he said. Kurama smiled and turned away. Hiei was sure that Kurama could read his mind sometimes. So he tried to reach out to Kurama through his mind, and express everything to him that he could not express in words.

_Loss, loneliness, falling, forbidden, weak, worthless, death, dying, falling, feeling, pointless, alone, emotionless, lost, falling, destruction, devotion..._

_**LOVE**_

'When did that happen?'

Kurama smiled and hugged the shorter fire demon. "I know you hate it... just... humor me, okay?" Kurama smiled, holding him tighter.

Everything Hiei had ever known about himself was torn apart by Kurama. All the horrible things people said about him had no effect on Kurama's actions towards him. Kurama was pure and straight forward – genuine. Hiei was plummeting into an endless abyss...

'It's not so bad – I like the rush...'

'Maybe I don't hate love after all... I just... fell into it, unsuspectingly...'

Well, I hope you liked it! Love writing Hiei/Kurama stories, and when I listened to the song Damaged by Plummet, I got the idea for this. My first idea was the quote "It's like free-falling..." and "I like the rush..." So... anyway, please review!

Christine Lennoire


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